The Iron and Wine song Lion's Mane makes me feel like I'm bleeding from the inside out. Something so eternally lonely about it, something so eternally lonely about myself...
Well eternally is probably a strong word for it...a very emo fourteen year old in black eyeliner thing to say...but be it true or not it still feels real. An indeterminate amount of time ago I thought I had found it, I really did...and then the flowers died without fruition and I still reel from it, and I begin to believe that I will never find it again...I am trying to hold on to hope, but when the night is thick with darkness and the heavy silence hangs on my shoulders with the looming presence of a great phantasmic vulture, and I have no choice but to find the emptiness between my sheets and close my eyes and wait for the sun to rise, then I become frightened. I have never made it a point to actively seek for love, because it's not one of my priorities, and I feel like I could be happy without a serious relationship or marriage or anything of the sort, and also I think that if it's going to happen, well...then it's going to happen, right? And if it doesn't, well that's how the cards fell. I've been involved in the past without anything happening on my side, and I've hurt some people because of it and I don't want to do that anymore...so now I just guess I'm going to be patient, and hope that in the path my life will take there is someone who I find interesting who will find me so in turn, and we will enjoy each other's company and camaradrie, and be happy with that.
Posted by thisordinaryme at January 4, 2005 07:15 PM | TrackBackBlow your fucking brains out already.
Posted by: Fuck You at September 17, 2005 05:44 PMF.U.,
If your comment is in any way indicative of the extent of your intelligence, I fear that it would be wiser for you to conserve your meager abilities rather than expend your paltry supply in making fun of a person who is quite obviously emotionally distraught.
Carl
Posted by: Carl at September 17, 2005 06:12 PMInterestingly, F.U.'s IP address is from the African Network Information Center, which is located in Pretoria, ZA (Zambia). My guess is, because 90% of the Zambian population speaks one of 72 native dialects and this person knows English, they are probably a young British expatriate living in Lusaka -- which is where most British expatriates in Zambia live. Or maybe they're just some random jackass.
Posted by: H. at September 17, 2005 07:46 PMThanks, Carl and Hugo, considering this journal is kind of in hiatus, I'm surprised how quickly you two responded.
Posted by: Paula at September 17, 2005 08:15 PM